In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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