I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
