Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
