i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
