It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
