Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
