Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
