I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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