there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
