Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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