I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
