My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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