dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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