if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
