I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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