what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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