omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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