i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
