Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
