you guys were way drunker than both of me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
