I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
