If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
