I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
