shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
