just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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