The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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