I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
