I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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