It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
