Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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