i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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