i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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