heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
