Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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