I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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