Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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