Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
