The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
