i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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