my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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