remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
