There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
