im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Randomize
