Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
