Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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