pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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