Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
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She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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