I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
