You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
