why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
