I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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