You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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