I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
