i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
