But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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