i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
