You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
