I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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