sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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