i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
