Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
