Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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