covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
