He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
