omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
