Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
