Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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