i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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