so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
