Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
