Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
