she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
