if you like me you must not know who I am
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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