are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
