nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
