What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
