mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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