Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize