You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
