my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
