literally had 100 drinks last night.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
